Old dream..

In the old old dream, I had been rushed to a hospital for severe abdominal pains. I had been confirmed to go into a rush surgery needed at the last minute. My lover there, after a very long time had to see this himself, the baby could not survive this kind of upset. It may be a choice having to be made, the baby or my stomach. In the dream, I did not live nor see anything else, all goes dark in surgery and I do not see anything else. Perhaps it is a TBD kind of an old dream that happened decades ago. Perhaps it is just the nature of the mind to try to make sense of things, that make no sense at all- but do happen.

Sometimes I remember this dream and I remember having to see the face of my lover, there beside me, his stress and strain and sadness, in those moments of that dream. I had not been having a baby as a person normally did. I had not just been pregnant, or just been having a child, I had been just in pain, laying on a hospital bed, being run around this giant place, and I passed out in the dream, on the bed moving, in pain and medication and preparation, being rushed into a surgery to try to save the baby and me.

These dreams seemed vivid to me, and in my later life- in these times, it only seems ironic, that I’d have to remember that one little blip of a dream from long long ago- in this timing of all things.

I think a part of me hates to remember his face, being strained and stressed and concerned, and afraid he’s going to lose me to the pain. and the baby, and the pain, and more pain…

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