The one and only time I have ever hurt another human being physically intentionally and with clear aim…
I was cornered by my drunk partner (with a hand fasting being planned). We had been together for 2 years and 9 months. We were about to purchase a property to build a home together.
He struggled deeply with alcoholism and had been drinking at work every day becaue the client let them during construction. He drank so many bottles of rum and quit drinking so many times I lost myself just trying to save his daughter from these mad horrible fights. Sometimes hed be too drunk at 7am to drive her to school. And I’d drive her…
That night? I finally got really upset. I poured out his whiskey or rum and the vodka. I took it away and I did not even hesitate to dump it out. I’d already tried locking him out of the house forcing him to sleep in the garage on a couch in the cold. But I’m not inhumane I did bring him a blanket and pillow. While he passed out.
He thought I threw water at him…he tried to take my keys to the vehicle we shared he had done crazy things for days on end and I handled it.
So when I demanded one thing…my mothers quilt back and for him to sleep on the couch and quit taking our room to himself he flipped out.
He came up behind me..he knocked my glasses off. He tried to restrain me from behind. This happened several times.
I then elbowed him so hard in the side that I broke his rib. I got my glasses which he pitched out the door behind me, and locked myself in the basement for hours-With Skype on a recorded video feed to my little sister in Houston. I barricaded the door with trunks….
He still tried to break my barricade hours later drunk and asking for some sugar..if I recall? Y cant we all just get along…he said…!
I hurt his rib so bad that the next morning he was really hurting..and atleast apologetic.
He did it again 2 months later after a fest when everyone else was gone. That time, I had to negotiate him out of his grip around me from behind. He wouldn’t let me go get my cigarettes from the long hall.
He was pissed because he thought I was bluffing about being pregnant, and I wasn’t bluffing at all. I was very upset at him and had said something hurtful because hed run off with his new girlfriend quickly. Having slept with several people on the land behind my back.
I had missed my period and it had become almost non existent for three months off and on. This time I simply did not have a period. I had fallen during the fire. Tripped on a boulder blacked out for a moment..and just really struggled after that hurting from head to toe. For days.
I did end up having a period days later but still just didnt do well for several months. And I did not end up being officially pregnant. Only partly pregnant, my body just rejected it early. Just very very deeply hurting from his drama, sexscapades for months and a lot of family stress.
My step dad died atleast knowing his daughter defended herself.
Now looking back I think of all the things I could have done that night….
But not one of those thoughts includes regretting elbowing him in the ribs to break free.
6 years later?
My former trainer showed me a few new tricks!
Then I really understood…
Thank god he was so drunk I could get away from him atleast…
But that’s the truth…
I never felt good about those moments in myself or having to really deeply defend myself from someone I trusted with all my heart and soul.
But to be honest he’d been complaining because I had forgiven my ex fiance. And that’s all that had happened. It wasn’t a forgiveness originally intended to spark anything. It was intended in heart and soul to be clear in myself. Months later this sparked something but originally? No..
One message to someone a thousand miles away and my loving partner? Tried to take me down. Out of jealousy out of fear out of idk…really. out of possessive brooding…
But in forgiving my ex fiance from my teen years, atleast I got away to talk to someone who did truly care about me.
And thank god that man loved me enough in those times to be there for me without expecting sex or commitment. Or anything at all.
Its messed up when the one man you never could imagine ever harming a woman….
Did. He totally did.