For the last ten years I’ve been chronically sick from the inside out off and on up and down, just all over rolling and reeling. I thought I would not ever really accomplish my dreams when this became so severe I was just lost in the pain itself.
But I realized recently, I did. I accomplished some things I wasnt sure were possible. Some things doctors told me not to rule out but not to expect progress on either. Basically dont be disappointed if you cant do what you once did. This kind of damage takes over the whole system, and its permanent. I’ve been told so many times, the damage you do have is expected to be permanent. It doesnt usually heal, some of it will but it will take 7 to 10 years for your cells to regenerate and recycle naturally….
Well folks it’s been ten years now, officially.
What I did accomplish painstakingly in these ten years? A huge undertaking really. I decided in the begining i dont know what the hell this is but i am living proof miracles are possible and I am gonna heal this. I have to. I just have to. I am not going down with this fucked up ship, I am moving on. And I am going to be ok even if it tears the hell out of me to even just be ok.
I am one of those people, god answered. For real. So real. It’s not a religious thing. It’s not an exclusive thing. It’s a heart to heart with god thing.
I swore I would do it. I probably also made a lot of promises about as valuable as god I will never eat a street taco again if you just make the pain go for good.
I can promise I do not eat somethings to this day but that’s beside the point, I have food allergies. Go figure!
But no really, I fell in love with environmental science and health. I fell in love with trees and forests. I fell in love with mushrooms for a while until they hurt my stomach a couple times. I fell in love with a whole new way of thinking that totally made sense and my whole world just fell right in place for a while. A while.
I learned a hell of a lot about herbs and nutrition, humans being, and granting compassion even when I am just so mad I could burst. Even if that compassion I need to give, the most, is to myself for a moment atleast.
I found answers like I’ve never found before in my whole life and I may never find again quite like I did in those curious and strange times.
I crowdsourced answers before crowdsourcing a resolution to a huge health problem was a normal thing. I talked to survivors all over the world. I learned a hell of a lot and I I probably forgot half of it and then had to relearn it all a billion times over. For real.
And now? Now we are at this tough time where I have to make a decision about not only my best treatment plan but also what I believe in recommending to other survivors coming into the mix.
I get up everyday and I read about people who almost died..yesterday in thier home, alone or protecting thier family. People who were just living thier lives and had horrible bosses covering up serious workplace poisoning issues.
And this? While I’ve been sick, has been my lifes work building over time in these small conversations online on the phone, in person, and in strange interludes of life and just living.
At ten years I found more than just an answer for me, I found answers for people I’ve never met and some I probably will never know about in this life. At ten years, I have a tribe of survivors that is bigger than I ever imagined it would be. At ten years, I have been able to bring others the hope I prayed for when I started. The hope I needed so so badly when I first came out of it.
The question in being a survivor of anything isnt if you’re going to live, it’s how you’re going to live with love and authenticity. Its quality of life. It’s rebuilding all your cells like tiny bricks one at a time and watching them sometimes fall like drunk jenga and vodka on a dull night.
After ten years I’ve realized wow, actually I did accomplish something..really deeply important. We’ve changed the social structure of healing from carbon monoxide poisoning as a group. We’ve changed the longterm treatment protocols by talking to doctors and patients and scientists all together. We’ve established new facts. Facts that didnt exist before we made this one group all together as brave and deeply vulnerable souls.
Yesterday’s in the past all I would often meet are survivors who have gotten stuck like me in deep health issues. Today?
Today I wake up to survivors who have coached new survivors through months of recovery and brave change. Today I wake up and I talk to people who have totally overcome it all and are a hundred percent recovered. A hundred percent. Totally completely, no more horrible ongoing systemic damage…
Just healed and happy humans. Being.
All this because in a serendipitous phone call a survivor reached out to me nine years ago. He introduced me to an environmental scientist, and that person introduced me to others, and we all went on this mission in the dark in different regions of the country isolated and vulnerable.
And the fact is that we all…saved peoples living. The doctors could save the lives but they couldnt save the quality of life survivors needed.
Not until these people all stood up together and pushed back slowly over time.
Now they’re using algae in the east in a shot to quickly oxygenate a passed out victim of copoisoning and bring them back to life without having to drag an oxygen machine or tubing or tanks or anything until later.
So they dont have to wait. They dont have to live in the false reality of daily oxygen forever because pollution sucks that bad kids. It really does.
We did something in these ten years as survivors of something just so messed up. Something really important.
And I’ve just decided I’m not done. I am not done making this right for myself and for others that truly so need the healing of thier lives not just the healing of thier bodies and minds.
Do you know what it’s like to look in someone’s tired eyes and hear thier story and be able to truly give them hope of living a full and happy life again?
It’s a really good feeling. And I’ve been on both sides. In tears on the phone hoping someone has some kind of answer to solve what doctors often overlook.
Underneath a lot of emotions, I have to remind myself I’ve earned my answers so that others do not have to wait in pain forever and feeling alone. ❤
I hope someday I can make a much bigger more obvious impact, but for now it’s enough that it’s TRUE and real and beautiful to me in my life.
And who am I kidding? I cant wait to see this become a medical standard that is just a part of how we live. I cant wait until we get to say, oh ya remember how we used to treat carbon monoxide patients? Gosh I’m so glad it’s not like that anymore, I mean can you imagine? If everyone just barely survived and then could not live fully?