Alright here’s what is up ladies. Taking a nod from Girl Wash Your face and her chapter on married sex…let’s talk about some tough things. This book though very bible(ish) makes a fair point: having a great orgasm is the cake. So, she’s right about something important: an orgasm is not meant to be superficial sugary icing unless you are one of those people who skips the cake and eats the frosting right out of the container. Even so, you get my point. How do you tell a man you’re not as into as you thought you would be that it’s just not working? How do you begin to explain before the ring before the engagement parties and marital expectations take over…
That he is just not the one for you.
Well you dont get there by deciding you are less than worthy of a great orgasm everytime. You cant get there by pleasing him more. You can give direction and work on it. And if you’re married you should, that’s my belief. It’s not wrong to work on having the best most intimate connection you can with your partner as you both are. Not as you wish the other was, or wish you could be.
But sometimes? Sometimes hes just not the one. And its hard to admit that to yourself before it’s too late. It’s hard to accept that things just arent as passionate as you’d hoped. It’s hard to tell a man, what you truly want and desire without flaring his insecurities. But its neccessary. Its needed. It’s a part of intimacy that leads to a lifetime of mutual trust or a lifetime of just an ok sort of mostly pretty good relationship. In theory. When things go well…
And when then dont? It will eat you alive to be with a person who is just…well?
Hes into you and you’re into him and willing to give it a good shot, but he just doesnt stir that depth within you.
Or maybe you broke up and got back together but it just wasnt all you hoped for.
And now? It’s too late to back out. Change your mind. Look like a flimsy underdevoted woman who doesnt know what she wants..
Yeah, it can make a woman feel pretty bad really. It makes men feel bad too though. And the combination is abysmal..
But then that lasts another 20 years folks. Of filling in all these things you were missing or couldnt replicate or create to begin with, because it had already gone or wasnt there in the first place…
But imagine that..
Dragging a relationship out 20 years becoming basically roommates and friends who mutually agree to pay Bill’s, watch kids, and just have truly almost no deep and intimate connection anymore or maybe didnt to begin with.
Well sometimes? That is preferred. I get that too..
But most of the time it is a misery loves company kind of problem from the begining.
There is someone that both feel does fit, is right, and is good for them..makes them feel like a million bucks, has them walking on sunshine, really truly does or did…
Make them feel like they had found the one true soul in this universe that just fits, perfectly in heart mind and soul.
So what does that create but a life time of two people married to each other and kinda still hoping for someone else in a place in thier hearts they dont talk about…well atleast not to each other.
This face off, kids, can last a lifetime between two toxic partners. It infects the kids it infects thier professional lives, it infects thier friendships, thier family relationships, thier every every day…
Sometimes it does lead to affairs, cheating, and betrayal but more often than not it leads to an unhealthy relationship so battered and worn that trying to fix it is like just watching sand slip through your fingers…
That’s how important a great orgasm is ladies. Truly. Really. Doesnt seem like that big of a deal until you realize that’s how this started 20 years ago…
But it’s a good measure in any relationship of true compatibility or abysmal rollercoaster chemistry from the begining.
If you arent happy with your orgasm it’s not really a man’s fault exclusively nor his job to fix. Great orgasms are as important as therapy and yet they so dont replace going to a marraige counselor and sticking to it in order to repair things.
I dont mean three or four or six sessions. I dont mean going for a while and then not going. I dont mean that you have an option to stop going within a year of even sort of applying effort.
I mean if I know one thing it’s that superficial flimsy and manipulative people always find a way out of marraige counseling and right back into the bedroom..quickly. But usually only one person is getting the cake and if it’s not you ladies?
Youre allowed to do something about it.