Carbon Monoxide Poisoning: Part 1

I want to get this message out there, to the people who need it, And this is really a first attempt at compiling as much information as I could possibly have developed and researched, independently using a lot of localized sources in clinical research. I want to start a conversation about this, so I’m opening up this series of articles regarding recovery for those who need it now- not later someday when all of these companies finally publish their information on the true long lasting effects of co poisoning.

I’ll start by explaining, that I am in my thirties- and I have had carbon monoxide poisoning three or four times in moderate leaks from several different types of sources. My first exposure was at 18, my second at 26, my third at 27, my fourth at 30, and my fifth technically from a somewhat common diesel engine just a few years ago.

What my doctors have to say is that my nerve endings changed, became more sensitive, grew evolved, died off in some areas, and became hyper sensitive in others as a natural part of how the neuronal network forges itself when faced with these kind of difficulties. What my doctors believe happened is that this actually effected my immune system at the core level, causing a series of inflammatory responses that most modern pharmaceuticals cannot effectivley treat. The natural reaction of most medications in the body of a person who is still carrying the toxicity of co poisoning, is poor, the efficacy is reduced, and many major side effects occur.

For example, one of the first of many big scares was having anaphylaxis type reactions to allergens that I’ve always had a reaction to, but now the reaction was completely out of control. Another good example, is the activation of a dormant food allergy gene in my family’s history from my great great grandma, which had not caused any strife until this happened.

But as it turns out carbon monoxide poisoning plays a part in both the loss and preservation of cellular memory, and how your body remembers things, even what genes are active and what genes are suppressed. This kind of harsh reality is not the answer most doctors want to admit is true- but it’s the truth. Our society already has the science to prove that co poisoning, especially in a build up over time in a small space, causes some pretty strange things to happen to people. One important fact, is that it’s effect on the immune system is deep enough to cause your blood test results to come back as though you have an auto immune disorder, or to ‘wake up’ a gene that is recessive that carries an auto immune disorder, or both.

Genetically the science is already to prove that some people carry genes that are simply more susceptible to this kind of poisoning, and do very poorly with it, and others that are much stronger, survive with more grace, or the appearance of very mutable symptoms. While many actually continue to suffer strange side effects many years later.

It is a proven fact, and I want to make sure that everybody knows it. Delayed Nuerological Sequalae can happen even 20 years down the road from a severe case of co poisoning, your genes still continue to replicate poorly if not treated well in the begining.  It’s just a fact.

I personally am a different kind of an example, as I had intense accupuncture done by an expert in her field, who learned directly from a long line of very good accupuncturists- my answer came straight from china. Literally- from the man who taught her. I also did several rounds of oxygen therapy, and several types. I never had any form of hyperbaric treatment, due to the lack of insurance at the time of the exposures. And the nature of the exposures.

Everybody wants to hide this information, but it’s the truth.

It effects your thyroid, hormones, blood cell counts, your nerve endings. It feels like a disease itself, because it creates disease when left untreated and unhealed. They have the proof that your body continues to replicate cells exponentially that are ‘faulty’- lacking a healthy expression of your own dna, deleting your DNA, your RNA flawed temporarily. Because the liver, the kidneys, and spleen cannot keep up with this toxin.

It is proven, that it is not gone from your system but simply deep in your tissues recessed, and where hyperbaric oxygen cannot fully reach. It is proven that hyperbaric oxygen therapy actually does a lot of damage if administered too intensely at the time of the original poisoning.

In Japan, they have created a series of injections using an oxygen promoting algae that is the original source of Co-Q10 that actually heals severe co poisoning on application, even in very near to death experiences. They are completely changing their method of treatment, at the ER level- because this method decreases a lot of risk of the potential ‘oxygen damage’ from overloading all of your cells on hyperbaric oxygen.

Hyper baric oxygen treatment tends to cause oxidative damage that is not the same as just having a high level exposure to co, in fact, that oxidative damage tends to cause hypoxia which our society knows, but will not change their protocols on. at all.

So, I am posting this start a conversation, to start exposing some of this information and to address a lot of misinformation about the healing and recovery process.

You can save your brain, you can save your body, and you can save yourself. I am living proof. I have good days, and I have bad days just like anyone would. But I am not brain dead. I am not gone, and I am still fighting for a plan that helps every one receive better, kinder, and more loving treatment upfront, instead of the way that many of us had to pioneer these answers the long and hard way.

 

 

 

 

 

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Loving Them Anyway

Somedays you learn the harder lessons. And then they’re not lessons anymore, they’re just skills that you’ve demonstrated in the eye of a storm, called life. Pre-requisites for becoming an adult, or so they say. Other days you have to accept that, actually nothing really stays the same. Life is change.

At this rate, the measure of an adult in 20 years is going to be not wether or not they can pay their own bills, keep a job, or darn their socks- it will be their aptitude at repairing technology from scratch using only a video tutorial. We are already at this point, where if you really want to learn something all you have to do is look it up on youtube, regardless of the depth of the content- or intrinsic need for hands-on learning and mentors. In 20 years there won’t be mentors to teach us how to do things, that our generation got lazy and forgot about. There will only be knock off versions of martha stuart home decor in every historical textbook, and at some point our homes will then also be the ‘outmoded’ versions of once simply ‘was’ expected and acceptable for building practices.

The toxins that our generation has learned to clean up, will become a note in a world civilizations textbook that not only cannot be viewed on a computer, but will only be accessible if you have an exclusive watch with compatible pin numbers.

All of the expected good, that we’ve spent our lives creating, is going to inevitably end up at the bottom of a landfill somewhere- only in 20 years- they will have probably banned those landfills, which have become like archaeological excavation sites. We knew that these things would never biodegrade, and we were all proud of that at some point. So why now all the fuss or ‘ecological fever’ to somehow magically fix these ways?

My generation, is not millennial- but we are lumped into the sad but true and strange twistedness of their hardships. We will never be able to fix the mistakes that we’ve made- in any capacity, ecologically- entirely within our lifetime. So why are we all putting down people that raised their hand and came here to clean it up? They’re happy with their hazmat suits, so I say let them.

It took us how long to figure out that we were poisoning ourselves with dishes made with radioactive dust?

Somedays, you have to wonder if there was ever a man that called himself god, because that is how every single NLT bible reads- and it is creepy if you think about it. A man who was god? if that literally happened now, we’d all run for the hills and hand them the koolaid- letting them know compassionately to please not pull another giant suicide stunt, and we’ll even let them have a 501 c3 status.

But no, seriously, god is not a man, Jesus is a man, not considered god himself, but actually considered to Christianity to be simply a hand of god. Jesus didn’t want to be THE hand of God, he just wanted to create a loving example of Christianity in a time that it was dying in the ashes of Roman-Greek Economy.

These social stratifications, they become us. Someday in 20 years you’ll open a new bible and it will have a completely different interpretation- think about that, and all they ever really had to say was : be kind, humanity. don’t feed the fears. be the love.

 

Why Zebras Don’t get Ulcers (review 1)

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This is a great book, i am about half way through it and still taking notes. What an amazing concept to consider that scientifically, biologically, neurobiologically psycho-somatic behavior is real thing! but it’s just not the root cause of every problem in the entire world.

I have slightly damaged internal organs, and I actually don’t have ulcers. But it’s really common in my original line of work, and I’ve seen a lot of people go through this even in thier later years.

I am apparently a zebra. ❤ Go me.

Smart Jane-Ubiome Review

I just feel like sharing this little cool free pilot program to you all- it could really help someone out there. Smart Jane has become my best friend lately alongside Ubiome Smart Gut too! For a short period of time their pilot program pays for you to be a part of a pretty cool research study advancing the accuracy and technology of early diagnosis for a number of cancers, autoimmune diseases, and other conditions. The test measures your exact biome at any given time, and gives you a heads up about any possible long term problems you may be developing.

Here is a screenshot example of the Smart Jane Test results. Actually- this is just page one. There are 10 pages of results detailing everything from your risk for developing conditions based on your biome, to your long term cancer risk. All based on one sample, or in my case- six or seven done once a month over time.

SmartJane.2018-08-19_1252 Clearly, as you can see, I got pretty lucky to have a test result that is 100% clean and healthy. Not everyone is so lucky, but it is life- and I can hardly imagine but- there are girls out there that do have HPV, Cancer, or even just the sad long journey that any of these STD’s can be for many.

The only thing that I do not like about this test so far is that it does not give you a regular HIV test- and that to me is pretty important. I used to be all about the just get the test once a year if needed. After some long and tough conversations, being cheated on repeatedly in multiple relationships- and having to see so many friends go through the ‘finding out late’ syndrome of toxic relationships?

Ya- I definitely prefer to have my regular female tests done more than once a year if needed. *Even* if it is only needed because of the timetables for incubation.

So here are some fun facts for guys and girls to share in case you are uninformed or just unsure:

  1. A girl cannot start having morning sickness seven days after having sex. It is impossible to be that far along.
  2. Pregnancy Tests are incredibly inaccurate and regularly cause false positives, go to your doctor if you’ve taken 2 tests and they are not consistent.
  3. Girls have spontaneous miscarriages more often than most can imagine. A small spontaneous miscarriage is simply the body rejecting the pregnancy very early in, and it happens to everyone. It is not exclusive to infertility at all.
  4. STD’s ALL have an incubation period of approximately 90 days from the date of original ‘fluid exchange’ contact. That means that if you have sex, and the guy (or girl) has no idea they have an STD- you are not most likely to develop it or have full on symptoms until about 90 days after.

 

The Unfinished Inner Child

My child self-says: glitter!

My adult self-responds-

you’ll get in trouble.

My child self-says: they’ll be covered in it.

this the only possible method of proper punishment!

I have to do this- sneakily, I need your help.

and some chocolate. ya.

My adult self responds- and then?

 

My child self-

and then run.

Excusing Abuse

The minutes tick by one at a time, knowing that I do not have the energy for a today or a tomorrow- If I am laying in bed, staring at the ceiling unsure of the next action to take. But in my haze, atleast, I can remember that one thing: the people that are most abusive are often the most silent, the most unobservant of thier behavior, the most focused on ‘self-improvement’ that appear to be often moving from one group, clique, fad, or even religion to the next like water.

Men suffer too, and yet rarely feel it’s ok to speak up- they are the best at hiding it, and often the last to say their truth.

This is something I’ve been sad about lately- I really hate that feeling that any man I care about even as a friend- is being manipulated or abused at all. But every once in a great often, I hear these syllables seem to repeat themselves.

‘I feel that some of her choices in parenting are somewhat abusive.’

This is a scary thought, in general to hear from a friend of 20+ years- reaching out, hoping to find some hope mutually- but it’s happened over and over again in my life.

If a female is abusive- a man’s feeling of manilness is already challenged. A man’s confidence in doing his job, and fulfilling his role already feels unworthy. Before he’s even, left for his morning- it’s already started. And is it loving?

No.

Is it kind?

No.

And does he know that it’s not healthy?

Yes. of course he does. He’s just not prepared to make the final move. She’s spent all this time programming him to believe that he is never going to find anybody that truly loves him. She’s invested years of suffocating attachment into his daily life, making sure that he comes home to her- even if she herself has cheated. In her mind, she’s simply securing her marraige, and preparing for an aging partnership. In her mind, these things she does are her ‘job’ and she must fulfill them as wife- the only possible way to keep a man is to manipuate him.

For a man, he’s repeatedly told that this is normal behavior it’s a female being a female. But he hears it so many times that he believes that is all that it is. He goes to everyone in his life, they are already convinced she’s perfect- she’s just in a bad mood that day. every month, or every 7 days, maybe, until the behaviors start to add up.

Then one day- eventually, she looses control of herself- and actually really hurts someone. Her children, her spouse, her aging parents- there are a lot of potential targets after 15 years. Nobody suspects a thing, until it becomes clear, obvious, and undoubtedly HER.

It seems odd to say but it’s just not fair that abuse goes both directions, becomes sometimes simply mutually abusive, and eventually becomes psychologically draining.

An abusive person really does try just about everything in the book- to get to thier object of desire. Then having achieved it? They get bored, and tend to forget you exist kind of like a portable computerized pet they have to feed periodically.

But many of us? Actually stayed in relationships like this- for a long time before it became apparent, Most of us, actually fought for relationships like that because then they didnt’ have to. A lot of people stay in relationships like this, and simply chalk it all up to ‘it’s just our history’.

The sad thing that bothers me though, is that if it’s a female experiencing it, it’s often quiet but obvious. If it’s a male experiencing it, it may go completely unnoticed.

But most of the time if it finally does end? The response seems to be unanimous, that there is simply a ‘disagreement’ and the 2 parties have chosen to ‘agree to disagree’. The disagreement is really that one feels that the other should STOP being abusive, and the other does not feel that they are.

And no abuser usually feels that they are truly abusive, it often takes months of counseling for this to be directly identified, discussed and diagnosed.

But flying monkeys are flying monkeys, there is no up, there is no left to right in an abusive relationship, everything in a giant spiraling out of processing emotional ick.

Filtering out toxicity like your life depends on it.

Living day to like like you may not have a next day.

But mostly, preparing for the day that you leave, and learning to hide it like you are a troll.

Do men ever escape this? Someday I hope I find out.

Book Response: You Can Lead A Horse to Water but you can’t make them Cha Cha.

 

I’ve had this really interesting journey lately learning more and more about the longterm effects of abusive behavior. I’m pretty sure I’ve lived over half of my life experiencing, and re-experiencing these conundrums in life that have become a state of normalized toxicity. I didn’t have the solution. I didn’t have the clear signs or red flags in my mind. I could not have possibly truly confirmed- the state of mind of person after person that I keep reminding myself: I met through a friend that had established a state of trust, felt terrible that this happened, and yet- friend after friend could not have predicted I’d come to face to face to my personal, nightmare in my 20’s and again in my thirties.

It’s funny how the first time it happens, you actually desire to be forgiving- you feel violated and you need that feeling to resolve quickly, and so you re attatch over and over again, not even realizing this is not going to at all change or pacify thier behavior. Days later, you are still on your porch crying, confused, and lost in the shame of the belief system that failed you.

Everyone around you says: you didn’t notice? you didn’t see the signs? you didn’t question this person’s psychological state of mind any time before this moment?

And the hardest response that I had to realize from this book- is NO- no I did not have a big ‘enough’ red flag before that moment, that conflict, that uprising of abuse- to be able to magically predict the intended outcome of this man’s behavior.

Some things I’ve learned in the process of reading that I’ve found really useful are the narratives that she has used to present these ‘cases’- and the nature of the ‘leading of’ the horse to the water.

I did not realize actually that the most common denominator in many of these situations is actually the man’s mother, the mothers that raise their children in a kind of narcissistic hell, and the girls that also at the age of reason- also have become simply brainwashed themselves to mirror this behavior. The state of men experiencing abuse and manipulation from the female narcissistic abuser is simply- not often accounted for in a long stream of courts that do not recognize the rights of a father.

This book, did help me see some things about myself and brought me to a place in a short time frame that really helped me see that there is a route to healing. That not only can I heal personally, but that I also have a right to assert that at any given time. Especially to those guys that come into play later in the game- coming into a situation becoming aware of your story and then they also tend to utilize your backstory as their game.

I just felt like giving a big shout out to the author of this book tonight, after having gone to some counseling sessions myself recently to really gain perspective on it all from an unbiased source that can also appreciate this author’s point of view.

If I could give this book ten stars, I am probably going to find a way to!
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Healing Brain Trauma and Injury: A Response to Video by Daniel Carcillo

Today is an off the cuff kind of day. I somehow got up and caught this video on one of my online groups, and it has been very revealing. For those that have not seen this, you can find the original video by looking up his name and then look for the video that is about treating Brain Trauma and Injury. It’s kind of amazing thinking that someone that has had so many injuries is able to fluidly put together such a deep and important statement about the healing process itself.

I grew up having a sister that has epilepsy and has thus fallen a million times over and hurt herself, more ways that I can count on both hands over the years. It has not been very many years since she actually fell ‘up’ the stairs in the middle of the night in a new home and just crawled in bed not even being aware that her head is bleeding profusely from running into the hand rail. Just this injury alone, from a small siezure, required major facial surgery to repair the broken bones in her face, sinuses, jaw, and to check for further trauma to her brain.

I have been curious for a really long time, about the nature of these kind of head injuries changing her personality, changing her manner of expressing her emotions, changing her thinking, changing her focus, and making it very hard for her to have a normal life at all.

This video by this former NHL player has me really curious as to what kind of treatments they are doing in these plasticity centers and if there is any success rate or failure rate of any of these treatment plans. Having spent *years* travelling back and forth from the leading, state of the art, neurology center here- and being exposed to these issues throughout my life, I have learned a lot. But one thing that has remained steadfast is that there is never going to be a treatment to heal the brain damage that is caused from these varied types of brain trauma. Therefore, eventually my sister is going to be a vegetable that cannot fully think for herself, and someday- though there have been so many attempts to prevent it, she is going to end up in long term care earlier than most- can plan on not living to be 100, or even 80, and most likely is never going to have a normal partnership, lifestyle, or even just a normal day on her feet.

I am learning a lot from this video, that brain trauma can actually cause major personality changes. I learned recently that one of the major reasons that my sister can be so brutal at times, in her mood changing from houyr to hour, is because the epicenter of her siezures is in the front right lobe and because of that her centers for compassion and expressing love are damaged. Actually, they are gone, the area had been removed by a surgeon about 2 years ago- on the hope that this could eliminate most of her seizures.

Actually, it did and the number of seizures that she has currently is dramatically reduced, but her day to day behavior is very hard to accept at times. Some days it is mostly normal and she seems like herself, but most days she has heavy mood swings and has a tendency to lash out about things easily.

I really hope that this NHL player is able to bring more information to the forefront about these programs that help to heal the brain, because he is right- one thing that he mentions is the prevalence of Parkinson’s, Altimer’s, and Dementia for those that have sustained major brain injuries. In all of its irony, anybody that has epilepsy has some understanding that every time they have a seizure it is like a storm that injures the brain progressively over time. Each seizure drives the damage a little further, and over the course of a lifespan, they tend to increase, not reduce unless medication is used to control it.

Also, those that have family members that have epilepsy are keenly aware of the trouble that they get into, having falls, and petite mal seizures that cause them to not remember anything that has happened. Thus, creating the cognitive problem too- of not having a memory to help explain to others anything that has happened to them in those minutes that literally ‘anything’ can happen. good or bad.

I am really grateful that this former NHL player has brought his mission to the table in treating traumatic brain injury because this is no joke, to spend a life time fighting the great ‘man’ and having a brain that is not on your side? It’s the hardest fight ever. At some point you are just fighting for your soul, to overcome the brain, and the heart, to take up the slack that the brain cannot. For the words to come out right, for the thoughts you do have and are important to be relayed clearly- at all, to someone that can actually help you get on track again.

Spiritually, haven’t we always known that the brain heals itself? Scientifically, we are still trying to determine how. That makes this man’s journey, pretty deeply amazing if you think about it. He’s proving to the rest of the world that these injuries can also heal, and mend, and the dysfunction that comes from the rest- can be limited over time.

I am amazed, curious, enlightened, and really looking forward to learning more about his journey- his process, and this amazing facility that has had such a success rate- but does not appear to be affiliated to any of the major neurology centers that I have visited.

 

Love, as an Addiction.

I try to sleep at night, but sleep is sometimes just my enemy. Love is an addiction that you can’t fight sometimes, can’t satiate, can’t just defeat. You love one- and then other decides it is time. You love the other, and then the one- needs your attention spontaneously. You begin to wonder if life is ever going to settle enough, just that ‘enough’ to have the joy you need.

I get up, I roll around, repeatedly, trying to find the easiest spot to just be. Everything feels wired, tired, and confusing for hours- as I stare at the ceiling sometimes just hoping this is not going to be another day suffering through it all. The thoughts roll through my brain- repeating endlessly, am I being compassionate? Or am I just numb? Did I smell? Did he really say that? Did he really mean that? Should I take him seriously, or should I just let him be?

Sex is great- but it’s just not everything at this age.

I roll over a thousand more times, check the ever impending deadlines of doom until I can’t stand the sight of the screen. I check the time over and over again. Am I sure it’s not going to rain? Am I sure it’s not going to be a thousand degrees tomorrow? Am I sure that I am ready to quit smoking, maybe I’m not ready for love. Maybe I’m just not ready to be love a thousand percent, maybe I can’t accept the giving and I should?

Men perplex me. One loves you a million times over he feels that if even once in the ten years of having your presence in his life that you could ever love him- that you’d be just right for him. The other runs and avoids you like the plague it feels like sometimes, but says he loves you a million times over. And hopes you’ll come find him on occasion, gets down and calls you in the middle of the night, breaks up, breaks down he can’t fight it any longer.

The one really love and need, he’s still caught in his own mess.

And in the middle of it all- nobody has time to just be there for you. Nobody has time to just relax, put your hand in theirs, and take a moment to look at those stars- and imagine the years that could become from this one moment.

 

 

 

Kids and Guns Episode 2018

As I drove back from my hometown that day, starbucks in hand, bravely bringing a friend tylenol that had a bad day- i never thought once that, i’d be turning on the tv to see these images just days later.

A thirteen year old child, 2 hand guns, one brave science teacher- and though the trauma, it- clings, a hero has been born in a sense. That kind of unpredictable moment that one story has begun and another is over. You just never can be sure- that it’s not going to be your school, your home, your kid, your day spent waiting for hours for the results of a giant life test. not the kind that requires scantrons and do they even do that anymore? the little holes you have to learn to perfect filling in, if you truly believe in education in the 90’s.

But today? those little pieces of paper that remind us too- education is not the same.

I drove home at 2am, and I never thought I’d end up seeing the place I grew up all over every channel of every station of the news. every radio broadcast. every mile I drove to and from my modest job, in my modest car, in my limited life- I am suddenly just a little more grateful for, than the day before.

The world has just become, a different place today.

But in the sudden trauma too, there is a beauty. Everyone is just a little bit kinder, just a little less difficult, Just a little more understanding of each other. Just a little more listening, and a little less talking. Just a little more gratitude, and little less complaining, everywhere you look.

It is the great pause- the breath of a community held in momentary silence. The sigh of relief of every parent for a hundred miles.

A teacher just came out of surgery taking three bullets, and a hundred kids, just lived.

Has no one thought to thank the universe yet?